Vermont’s below zero days require me to stay inside, hide under covers and cuddle. In case you are wondering, that’s what I have been doing. Hibernating... There is nothing like taking a break from routine, from the over whelm, from living really. Winter invites me inward, inside my apartment literally. And I am grateful to my little propane heater. I am grateful to reconnect with this season that many people find unbearable. When I do step outside my house in my many layers of fleece and down, I am struck by a blinding kind of beauty. I see icicles dripping from rooftops. I see sun streaking through heavy hemlock branches, illuminating the sparkly dance of the air molecules. I see fractals falling ever so gently, blanketing a barren but glittering world.
Finally I can settle in for a long winters nap. I long for and I am satisfied by the kind of attention I can give to my self now that there is nothing pulling me away from me. I can love the things I really love when it is winter, like fire, naps, softness, warmth, blankets, seals, stories, writing and art. I have an excuse to hibernate in the cold weather. I have an excuse to say no. My mind nags me less with questions of should I stay involved? Should I go out? Should I see people tonight? The desire to bask in the warm, quiet presence of my home grows larger. I ask myself to listen more carefully than I do in other months. What does my heart in its cage of ribs really want? What does my heart that is so sheltered and in hiding, truly long for? What is it that I forget about in all the other seasons?
Finally I can settle in for a long winters nap. I long for and I am satisfied by the kind of attention I can give to my self now that there is nothing pulling me away from me. I can love the things I really love when it is winter, like fire, naps, softness, warmth, blankets, seals, stories, writing and art. I have an excuse to hibernate in the cold weather. I have an excuse to say no. My mind nags me less with questions of should I stay involved? Should I go out? Should I see people tonight? The desire to bask in the warm, quiet presence of my home grows larger. I ask myself to listen more carefully than I do in other months. What does my heart in its cage of ribs really want? What does my heart that is so sheltered and in hiding, truly long for? What is it that I forget about in all the other seasons?
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